


Spurts Night

by jedusaur



Category: Sports Night
Genre: (because sorkin), Erectile Dysfunction, M/M, dialogue-heavy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2013-11-18
Packaged: 2018-01-01 22:24:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1049267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jedusaur/pseuds/jedusaur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“There’s a problem here,” said Dan.</p><p>“Yes, there is,” Casey agreed.</p><p>“There’s a problem, and I think I know what it is.”</p><p>Casey looked down at his flaccid penis and then back up at Dan. “I’d say it’s pretty clear what the problem is.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spurts Night

“There’s a problem here,” said Dan.

“Yes, there is,” Casey agreed.

“There’s a problem, and I think I know what it is.”

Casey looked down at his flaccid penis and then back up at Dan. “I’d say it’s pretty clear what the problem is.”

“No, _you_ are referring to a symptom of the problem, while I am talking about the problem itself. The root cause. The origin.”

Casey raised his eyebrows. “Please, continue listing euphemisms for the source of my sexual inadequacy. I’ll wait.”

“Source, there’s another one.” Dan sat back on his heels and motioned grandly in the general direction of himself. “I’m an attractive man, wouldn’t you say?”

“I would say that, yes. Your self-confidence in particular is difficult to resist.”

Dan flexed a little. “On a scale of one to ten, evaluate me. Be honest.”

Casey examined him as instructed. “Seven.”

“ _Seven?_ ”

“Well, I would have said eight, except your eyebrows are a little weird. What? You said be honest!”

“My eyebrows are not weird. Are my eyebrows weird?” Dan clambered off the bed and went off in search of a mirror.

“Was there a point to that exercise?” Casey called after him.

Dan returned after a minute. “You’re delusional. My eyebrows are fine. I’m an eight.”

“Hey, there’s no shame in waging war on the unibrow if that’s what’s going on there,” said Casey, possibly attempting to sound reassuring. “I’m just saying, maybe dig your trenches a little further back. Be a good neighbor, share the territory.”

“My point is,” Dan said loudly, “the problem is not me. Therefore it must be you.”

“I’m feeling better already.”

Dan jumped back onto the mattress. “It’s not internalized homophobia, either.”

“How do you know?” Casey asked. “I could be internally homophobic.”

“Are you?”

“No.”

“It’s not internalized homophobia, and it’s not performance anxiety, because I’ve heard enough from your past sexual partners to be confident that you’re fine in the sack.”

“Fine?” demanded Casey.

“Fine,” Dan confirmed.

“Well, _now_ I might develop some performance anxiety. Fine?”

“You’re fine. Which leaves me to draw the obvious conclusion.”

“A severe medical condition?”

“No.” Dan leaned forward over his crossed legs. “Fear of intimacy.”

Casey stared at him. “Danny. I have cried in front of you. I have shared the most meaningful moments of my life with you. I’ve told you the vast majority of my deepest darkest secrets and, on multiple occasions, I have hugged you in public. Real hugs, Danny. Not man hugs, no personal space bubble between the crotches--I’m talking about unabashed, affectionate, full-body hugs, in public. I’m closer to you than I am to anyone.”

“Exactly!” Dan gestured to him in triumph. “This is the only place we haven’t gone together. Maybe you’re afraid that after you open up to me sexually, there will be no part of you that I haven’t seen.”

Casey shook his head. “That’s not the problem.”

“You think it’s something else?”

“I know it’s something else.”

“Then what is it?”

Casey pressed his lips together. Dan folded his arms and waited. After a long pause, Casey said, “You’re gonna laugh at the noise I make when I come.”

Dan cracked up.

“See?” said Casey. “See, you’re laughing at it already and you haven’t even heard it yet.”

Dan composed himself enough to say, “Oh, I’ve heard it.”

“You’ve _heard it?_ ”

“I have heard it. How many times have we crashed at each other’s places, Casey? How many times have you used my shower? You think my bathroom walls are any match for that noise?”

Casey looked confused. “You’ve never said anything about it. I thought for sure if you heard it your first reaction would be to spend weeks mocking it.”

“And you are absolutely right about that,” said Dan. “That was my first, second, and every reaction after that. You know why I didn’t?”

“Why?”

“Because I wanted to get in your pants, Casey. I knew if I made fun of your orgasm noise, you’d get self-conscious and not let me into your pants. So now that I have successfully gained access to your pants, do you think you can relax enough to receive a blowjob?”

Casey leaned over and kissed him.

Twenty minutes later, as they lay flopped across the bedding, Dan said, “I would describe it as a cross between a honk and a squeal, in a slight Polish accent.”

“I can revoke that pants access anytime you force me to,” Casey told him.

“You won’t,” said Dan comfortably, and pulled the blankets up over them.


End file.
